My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
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