TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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