Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
