someone threw a dead crab at me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
