Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
