Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
