I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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