Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
