Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
