remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
