Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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