Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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