We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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