I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
