why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
