can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
