He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm always down for nudity.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
