I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
