She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
