It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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