saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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