i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
