We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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