Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
