I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
