I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
