He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
