Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
