you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
