Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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