in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
