He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
