can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
