Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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