Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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