In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
