He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
