People in love make me want to vomit
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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