is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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