Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
