spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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