How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
