Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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