Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
