So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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