I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
