***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
