Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
