i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
