god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
