My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
