he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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