Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
