Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
